I was with my girlfriend Tuesday night (she's an architecture major at Auburn University), and because she's at studio working so much, she has no reason to pay for cable or internet.

As such, I am only now watching the acceptance speech. I've got to admit, this guy is pretty good. He's every bit as good a speaker as George W. Bush is a bad speaker. He was adamant. He was powerful. He roused passion with a mere lift of his voice. He made me cheer inside with that not red states or blue states but the United States of America line.

He showed his vast understanding of history since the Civil War, recounting all the things this 106 year old woman had been through in her lifetime. World War II. Civil rights. Women's rights.

He showed himself to be a great humanitarian. He gave us all hope in remaking the American dream into something worthwhile. He....

I'm sorry, excuse me while I vomit.

So tomorrow we elect the leader of the free world for the next four years. We "must" choose between very liberal and extremely liberal.

Why is it that everyone accepts this methodology? Why is a vote for the third party candidate ALWAYS seen as "wasting your vote"? Is it because one single vote doesn't really mean anything in the first place? Why yes, as a matter of fact, it is. And people are afraid of another situation like 92, when Clinton won with a mere 42% of the vote thanks to the unpopularity of Bush I.

So we vote for the lesser of two evils. Every. Single. Time. And then we complain about how screwed up society is, not realizing our own mistake in electing leaders we don't really want in the first place.

John McCain strikes me as completely inept, and I fear that with him in the white house, the economy will only sink lower and lower. But Obama scares the living hell out of me.

So what am I going to do? I'm going to vote for Chuck Baldwin of the Constitution party. Does he stand a chance? No, not really. Am I wasting my vote? Perhaps. But I refuse to vote for someone I just don't believe in.

People in this country have become so brainwashed by big government that they don't realize how much power we have. Individually, we are nothing, but the mass of the population holds a great deal of power.

Yet even the wisest and most intelligent among us believe that the best we can do is vote for the lesser of two evils. How sad.

You know, when it comes down to it, I just don't really like either candidate we've got this year.

Think of it like a wrestling match: In this corner we have...Baraaaaaaaaaacccckkkk Obaaaaaammmmmaaaa. Change! Change! Change! Change!

BTW, Is anyone else reminded of the RNC in 04 when everyone kept yelling "FLIP FLOP, FLIP FLOP, FLIP FLOP" about John Kerry? Am I the ONLY one who thinks it sounds exactly the same...it just isn't true like the fact that Kerry flipped and flopped on pretty much everything...and will be viewed in exactly the same light by the victors? And then the only change we'll get is that they take out half our paychecks to pay for all the screwed up BS they're doing for us. And they'll make up reasons to raise taxes farther and farther.

And people will start immigrating OUT of the land of opportunity. To find opportunity. How appalling.

But it's coming, whether we want it or not. Because McCain is no better, let me assure you. Oh sure, he says all the right things, and he does all the right things. But come on. That reference to Head of State still stands. Speaking of which, getting back to the boxing match:

In the other corner, we have the Maverick...JOOOHHHNNN MCCCCCAAAAAIIIINNNN. He's a war hero. A former POW. He has decades of experience in the Senate. And he's OLD, like Reagan was!!! And if you stick an "L" in between the "C" and the "A", you get a kick-@$$ action hero, played by Bruce Willis, who single handedly defeats an NSA whistle blower cyber terrorist who, in the words of the immortal Kevin Smith playing the role of cyber hacker Warlock, "...hacked into Norad with a laptop just to prove a point!" McClain! I mean McCain for president!

Ok, yeah, I'm going overboard, I know. There aren't many nutjobs like that out there. But sadly, they DO exist. And these days they aren't the ones talking about government conspiracies, not all of them at least. Many of them are arguing FOR the government.

I saw a Mallard Fillmore comic strip today that I loved. Granted, it IS my favorite comic strip in the world, but whatever. There were two hippie parents in their forties standing around in wacky outfits. One read the note of their kid out loud. "Mom and Dad, I've run away to go work for the government." The other said "I wonder if it's just a phase?"

My, how the tables have turned.

According to family legend, my great, great, great grandfather was Noah Webster, of Webster's Dictionary fame. Now I don't know how much of that is true, but hey, it sure makes for good dinner talk, doesn't it?

Antidisestabilishmentarialism. That's a mouthful of a word that generally means finding your way through the normal routes, be it government or big businesses, in a path already laid out for you, rather than going your own path. Some of you know it as the longest word in my alleged grandfather's all-knowing dictionary.

It's the new hippie movement, isn't it?

Anyone who has not seen Ben Stein's Expelled and is reading this, a political blog, should see it as soon as possible. It really is amazing. Ben Stein is a genius...and you realize that when you watch his trivia show, "Win Ben Stein's Money", with Jimmy Kimmel as the co-host. Lots of good laughs, but he dominates rounds when Jimmy is trying his best to trip him up. The contestants are, most of the time, out matched. The trick, I think, is that Ben is just quicker on the trigger and knows almost everything already (and can explain the story behind it, because often he was there...he is an economist, after all).

I propose a new division system for the United States of America. See, when it all started, we were just thirteen little colonies of very different types of people who had a common oppressor: Britain. Today, it's the same thing, it's just that the common oppressor is the federal government.

So instead of the federal government, I propose five new provinces: the northeast, stretching from, say, Illinois into Maine; the southeast, covering everything south of the Mason-Dixon line and east of Texas; the southwest, covering Texas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, and Arizona; the midwest, covering west of Illinois and east to the Rocky Mountains; and of course finally the west, covering Nevada, parts of Idaho, and all the states touching the Pacific.

Each of these five provinces has the same amount of power. Each of these provinces has the same amount of representatives in the Senate AND in the House. There is no president, just provincial governors. And most importantly, the laws of the provinces are set by the provincial government, which consists of the governors and lieutenant governors of each state, along with the senate and house of representatives, of course. And yeah, there has to be a judicial system, but it has to be held accountable...meaning that common sense needs to be in place more than legal precedents set by high and mighty Supreme Court Justices. There ARE good lawyers out there, we just have to find the ones who haven't been corrupted. Might want to try your local law schools, because that's when they are ready to take on the world.

That actually goes into the entire point behind my blog's title of Diaper Rash: Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.

Think about that for a few seconds. Think about what those reasons are, and how adequately it describes virtually all politicians, regardless of political affiliation.

Webster signing off.

In the beginning, when our founding fathers were trying to ascertain the best system of government with which to run this country, they studied all civilized societies stretching throughout history. They decided to model this society after that of the Roman idea of a republic, giving each state the power to govern itself, but having a federal government to monitor interstate commerce and provide militaristic defense. It should be noted that the word state was, at that time, synonymous with country, meaning that the United States was originally intended to be similar to what the United Nations is today: a union of many countries, not one nation under God. The framers of our constitution wanted to give the power to the people, not just to the wealthy elite. A republic was the best way they could find to do that, so it is what they used as a basis in setting up our country.

Roman rule is divided into two sections: the Republic and the Empire. The Republic was a bunch of states that each elected a senator to go and fight for them. The Senate ruled the country. The Senate got too big. Civil wars raged throughout the massive beast of an entity that had been built from a single city-state in Italy. Then Octavian became the emperor Augustine and took over. Everything. And at that point, it all became a political game of pleasing the emperor and tricking him into doing exactly what the senators wanted him to do. And over time, it became this one big chess match amidst those in power.

Then Constantine became emperor. And he wanted change, so he moved the capital to Byzantium and named the city after himself (Constantinople…currently known as Istanbul). As such, even though the citizens still considered themselves part of the Roman Empire, history remembers them as the Byzantine Empire.

America has followed a similar path. Contrary to popular belief, the American Civil War was not fought because of slavery. The Emancipation Proclamation ended slavery in the south, but not in the north. The reason for the South’s succession, by the way, was the desire to reclaim states’ rights, which were eroding away and being replaced with federal control. Lincoln, while not the only one to blame, was pushing the envelope farther than the South was willing to take. Grant’s victory in fighting his war of attrition only further strengthened federal control of everything. That was a major turning point in our nation’s history, and it’s not all that dissimilar from the move from the Republic to the Empire in Roman history.

Then came the Great Depression and FDR’s New Deal. And in theory, everything about the New Deal is right. It helped a lot of people. But fast forward seventy five years and we have literally millions relying upon the federal government. And not all of them are even legally in the country.

That reliance upon something so huge, so impersonal, has created a huge mass of sheep who follow the big machine. It’s the world pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. The truth is that politicians are 95% scumbags who care for nothing and nobody as much as they care about power. Yeah, sure, they say all the right things, and they do things that kinda sorta resemble whatever BS they’re throwing your way, but in the end, they’re still looking out for number one. And number one is not the United States of America.

The best you can ever hope for is someone who actually believes that what he’s doing is best for the country, even if it’s not. That describes George W. Bush to a tee. It is not that he’s some stupid cowboy; but naïve? Oh yeah. And not strong enough to get what needed to be done, done. But it’s not as if anyone else is, either. Because the government is a business, with a board of executives sitting in congress, telling everyone else what to do and what not to do. And when things go wrong, you find a scapegoat.

Don’t believe me? Try Alan Greenspan. He was praised as a hero for the better part of two decades as he mastered the economy through the post-Reagan years, now he is disgraced because when he said we should let the banks decide for themselves who they wanted to give home loans to, the banks took that as initiative to give loans to anybody and everybody that they possibly could. Because those are the purchases that mean the most to people, so they don’t lose interest in paying that bill nearly as easily as some others (like over drafted accounts).

And now, toward the back end of that twenty year mortgage, the house is just starting to look a little bit less interesting, because the mid-life crisis is setting in, and none of the dreams have come true. And in the end, slowly but surely, banks have lost a lot of money on people who never should have been given a loan that big anyway. But yeah, it’s Alan Greenspan’s fault. We should give even MORE power to the government by asking them to bail us out of the jam and save the stock market from crashing. Like bigger government is such a great thing. How well did it work in the USSR, again?

Nonetheless, it is coming. The government is only going to get bigger. It got bigger under Clinton. It got bigger under Bush. It will continue to get bigger under either one of the current candidates, but I suspect the expansion rate will be far greater when the first black president takes office in January. I fear that’s going to happen whether we like it or not. Because amidst all the lies, Obama has preached change for so long that people have started to believe it. It’s a brilliant strategy, even if it is all BS.

Of course, McCain really isn’t any better. Sure, he says different things. He does the song and dance. But they called him a Maverick Senator, saying he rocked the boat and changed the way people did things, went against the norm. He’s a war hero. He has lots of experience.

And now he’s a cookie cutter Republican presidential nominee. How quaint. Hey, at least he hasn’t been talking about how he’s Sharon Stone’s cousin. Other than that, he sounds a lot like the elitist vice president running against Chris Rock in Head of State. You know: the white guy from the “conservative” party. Yeah, him.

So what are we to do? The love of my life posted a status on Facebook the other day that said something along the lines of, “Great leaders are never elected: Start your own revolution.” I’m beginning to agree.

At the end of each Roman age, there were civil wars throughout the land. If real change comes, expect that to happen now as well. If it doesn’t happen, then change never really happened. The government just kept getting bigger. Even worse, if it’s Obama, then the DNC controls both houses of congress AND the president.

A friend of mine has proposed building a co-op on some land he has out in a small town in the middle of nowhere. A place called Slapout, Al...and yes, it really does exist, it's just that the school is Holtville and the post office is Deatsville and there are only two caution lights and no full fledged red lights, and, well, you know how small towns go. But I think it’s a great idea. I mean, hey, if society is rocked by civil war and everything goes to hell, someone is going to need to have food, right? And even if nothing changes, at least we control our own food supply, so we can be pretty much self-sufficient, right?

Of course it isn't that simple, it never is...but then again, the Brits thought they had control of us too, and then we had a little tea party to let them know they don't. I'm from the South. I LOVE sweet tea. But if I've gotta drink grape juice and soft drinks for the rest of my life, then so be it. Something's gotta give.

*Morning edit* If Obama moves the capital to Chicago and changes the name of the city to Barahkian, do we then become Chicacans? Sounds like the producer of guano in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. Then again, I don't think it will ever be possible to compare the marketplace of America to that of the Wachati tribe, even if the leader of it might be from Kenya. Rumors persist that he he was born in Kenya, not in Hawaii, as he claims. And if he was born in Hawaii less than fifty years ago, I imagine he would have a birth cirtificate. Wouldn't that suffice as evidence of his citizenship for his entire life? Or is he just planning to postpone everything until he's elected so he can either A) draw up a fake document that everyone will believe because they sure as hell don't want to be calling Biden Mr. President, or B) he changes the laws so that immigrants can be president. In the case of B, Aanold pumps up the political volume and runs against Obama in 2012, gets elected, and starts the de-evolution into the Idiocracy Luke Wilson travelled forward in time to see. Let's hope for option A. :-&

*Retraction* My father has corrected me about one thing. Apparently, the government did more than just let the banks give out lots of home loans, they basically held a gun to the banks' heads and made them do it. That is one bit of information I was not privy to, and that changes things dramatically, but it only underscores the need for less government intervention.